Saturday, February 21, 2009

New Stuff

Little T let Auntie put a french braid in her hair. I can' believe it. She won't even let me put a clippy or pony half the time, but she let Auntie braid her hair. Here's a pic.
New Furniture: There's nothing like bringing new style into your home to lift one's spirits. Our friends were getting new furniture and we struck a deal buy their current living room set. (It's beautiful) It has brought new warmth and comfort into our living room and I LOVE IT! Even the kids love it. Thanks again Ash and Jack!! ;-)

On the Fam: The kids are getting so big. I can't believe they'll be 3 in like 3 months!!! OH MY GOODNESS! (I better start planning their bday party, geesh!) They are so sweet and cute and in a Mickey/Minnie phase. Little T is Minnie of course, and I am her best friend Daisy! They are best friends and she named me. She named T Donald. It's pretty cute. Even when she needs me in the night, sometimes I will hear "Daisy." It's pretty cute.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

We have a billion digital pictures of babyhood, so I just thought I'd post a few here and there. Doesn't C look so "busted" in this pic. The funny thing is that he still wrestles and plays with little T like this today.

Tonight, I lost my patience. Tonight, I felt like spanking. I was angry and frustrated. I will apologize to my little T tomorrow, as I feel grieved. She will not even know, but I feel that I resented her for the first time. I am sick (relapse of pnemonia), T was at school, she was asleep in my arms and as I went to put her in her crib, she woke up and cried and wanted me to hold her. I think she was just having a really hard time staying asleep and she's getting over an ear infection. C was asleep already and I didn't want her to wake him up (the joy of multiples)...I raised my voice a bit and told her I was really mad. I love her so much, and I know she isn't aware of it, but for the first time I felt resentful that I could not meet my own needs (nose running down my face, sneezing, coughing, headache, and really wanted to go to bed). I feel so guilty and grieved. It's not her fault that she couldn't sleep and needed some extra mommy cuddling. It's not her fault I am sick again (and really tired of being sick btw). It's not her fault either that she is a twin and sometimes I just wish I could make a decision that is based only on one child's needs and not based on both. I was really frustrated because C coughed himself awake today during nap time and needed sleep and I didn't want her to wake him up. That's not ever anything a mom of one baby has to think about when parenting. But, again, that's not her fault. I don't want to be resentful, ever! I made the decision to be a parent and I am so blessed by my children. Even when things are tough, I love and adore them. Sometimes though, deep inside, I wish I could meet my own needs once in a while...I am still trying to find that balance. Before kids, I was really good at taking care of myself, setting boundaries, nurturing myself, taking time for me, etc...not selfishly, but actually in a healthy way. I need to find a bit more of a healthy way, as a MoM, to still take care of me. Is this even a reality? I should ask some of the moms of multiples I know who have older kids. It's amazing, we appear to have it all together...people have always remarked on how amazing we are as parents, our routine, schedule, activities, full time mom at home, etc....people say we make it look so easy. Let me just say, it's not easy at all! We do everything we can for our children, to provide for them and care for them and teach them and love them, but it's a journey people...and we are constantly learning. And here, let me just go on the record regarding some of the things we are really working on 1) we can't bear to take the pacifier away at night 2) we still rock the babies to sleep at night 3) sometimes we give in to preserve the peace and not have a struggle and we should really stand firm against our decision...oh, and 4) what happened to our sex life? does anyone know?

This is "J" and she is the most amazing, loving, wonderful woman. She was our lactation consultant and has been like family to us ever since. This picture was taken in Feb. 07, on Valentines' Day. We went to visit the hospital where the twins were born. Since that time J has been fighting a very advanced stage of breast cancer. She is a woman who has devoted her life to the breast, and to the core belief that all women can successfully breastfeed. She helped us when we were going through a lot and as many of you know, T became the champion pumper and breast feeder (with an entire fridge in the garage full of breast milk) Sometimes life is so hard to swallow. T has sent J many CD's full of healing, inspiring music for her many chemo and radiation appointments. We pray for her and love her. She has made a dramatic difference in our lives. Our babies lives have been enriched forever because they were breastfed (sorry, but I believe breast is best). Thank you J, we love you deeply!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Twins and Twins and more Twins

Our boy/girl twins with our friend's boy/girl twins - they are two weeks apart. The boys sat together and the girls sat together as they rode a car ride at Pa's Pumpkin Patch this past fall. Twins are so much more prevelant these days. I mean gosh, every other couple in Hollywood has a pair now. I still think it's a mighty special thing, to have and raise twins. There are many lesbian moms with multiples, since some of us are older and are more at risk for a multiple birth. As many of you know, my sister has twins. So, even tho T carried and birthed our twins, it's very possible that I could have twins also, whenever we decide for baby #3. Of course we would make do...but I pray for a singleton (as us multiple moms call one baby) Twins are amazing and rewarding, but lots of work. I think some of us just get used to the chaos and wouldn't really know what to do with just one baby. I know sometimes I will take one shopping or something and it's so different to have just one. You really do adapt to your environment...for now, it's Twins all the way...but next time around, hopefully only one baby at a time.