Monday, November 29, 2010

I borrowed this from finding chaos - a blog I follow. I LOVE this idea. For Christmas you get your kids one gift they want, one gift they need, one gift they can wear and one gift they can read. They also add on GIVE - so the kids pick out a gift to give to someone else in need. I love it!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

4 year olds are FAST when doing something they shouldn't be doing!

Slow to rise this morning...the kids are calling, they're obviously awake - I hear them playing nicely, I thought "oh, I'll just rest in here a bit more and then I'll drag myself out of bed." It's my turn, Missy handled the morning yesterday and let me sleep in. I swear it wasn't but a few minutes later and I heard a huge crash. I jumped out of bed to find that the twins had removed all of the letters that usually sit under their art table in an attempt to take them to the living room and make a "race track."

The big crash was their art table sideways on the floor and their art cart (tall, 4 levels full of art stuff) falling to the floor causing every tiny piece of paper, pen, stamp, sticker, ribbon, scissors, glue sticks, cover their bedroom floor. The funny part was - they didn't care...they just left the art supplies all over the floor and off they went back to their homemade race track.

Oh the wonder of the 4 year old imagination - and how quickly they are able to get things done! Gotta love it!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I'm so tired
Beyond tired
A bit delirious
Yet, I am awake
The house is quiet..I can hear the kids breathing as they sleep. My love is sound asleep in our bed, and yet, I'm awake.
Sometimes the quiet of the night beckons me, no matter how tired I might be.
I am triggered - watched something that brought up some old feelings.
I am sad - first Thanksgiving tomorrow without my kids (they will be dropped off in the morning back to my ex)
I am so tired - emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally...I just feel spent.
Yet, on this Thanksgiving Day - I am so thankful and so grateful. For all the many blessings and provisions, I am so grateful. May I maintain my attitude of gratitude, even in the midst of feeling so depleted.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Thursday - A day of communal prayer and meditation

Tomorrow - Thursday - please join us in praying and fasting for God to intervene with regard to the current storm. If your practice is not to pray/fast, yet you meditate, light candles, send out good thoughts/intentions, please join us in unity tomorrow as we all reflect to bring about peace, hope, change, and healing.

Please cover the children, myself and Missy in your thoughts and thank you all for your love and support.

There is strength in love, faith and community. Thank you for being present with us as we face this journey together.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Lying here
in the dark
feeling forgotten
feeling forsaken
Trying not to worry
about the future
about my family
Calling out to God
to please intervene
to please right this wrong
Praying on my knees
for the sake of my children
for the sake of justice
Lying here
in the dark
feeling hopeless
feeling abandoned
Crying out my fear
asking for mercy
asking for deliverance
I know You oh God are with me
But I've never needed Your presence more than now
Blanket my children with your protection
Give me faith, wisdom and direction
Cause the anxiety to cease
Allow my heart to rest in peace
Lying here
in the dark
feeling so weak...
I cannot speak
You've promised to be my strength
a refuge...a strong tower
I need you now oh God
intervene and show your power
Lying here
in the dark
the silence is comforting
the sound of my children and my love sleeping
I know we will get through this day
You've said you go before me and prepare the way
Deepen my faith and help me to rest
As I lie my head upon your chest
Fill me anew and make me wise
Cause my spirit to rise
the ashes are many
the wounded hurting
But you've promised to never forsake me
So please God, if you must, break me
take me
and give me away
for the sake of my children
Receive my offering

Monday, November 15, 2010

Be near me Lord Jesus
I ask you to stay
Close by me forever
And love me I pray
Bless all the dear children
in thy tender care
and take us to heaven
to live with you there

This is for my children. They are the loves of my life and I would lay down my own life for them. I will always fight for them - and will never give up fighting for what's right on their behalf. I will protect them, keep them safe, teach them, love them, help them grow and do all that is in my power to provide the best loving home for them. But when it's out of my control...I have to pray and trust that God can and will draw near - and will work on my behalf...on their behalf.

God, we need this now. Please.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

My heart condition - or rather, the condition of my heart

There's nothing like a good health scare to cause you to focus on what really matters. We get so caught up in the day to day...all of the distractions that take us away from being really present. I recently thought I was having a heart attack. Pain in my chest, down my left arm, couldn't breathe, etc...after a few ambulance rides, 3 doses of Nitro, a GI cocktail that numbed my upper half, 3 EKGs, a stress test and lab work...turned out to be extreme esophageal spasms; which is not fun and can kind of feel like a heart attack.
But overall great news is that my heart is fine. In fact...more than fine. It is full and so grateful. When you go through something like this, you realize that life is short and at any moment we, or any of our loved ones, could be gone from this life. Every single moment counts. As I've reflected on this I have decided to intentionally have an attitude of gratitude...very timely for the season of Thanksgiving that we have entered, if I must say so myself.
I don't have a heart condition...but the condition of my heart is vital and I have found that an attitude of gratitude helps me to keep myself "positioned" in the face of everything we face in this life. Life is hard. It always has been and always will be. No one has it easy...but it's about what we do in the midst of it that really shapes our character and has the ability to affect those around us for the better. All the heart medicine in the world can't replace what gratitude can do for the "condition" of your heart.
Here is my attitude of gratitude creed:
* I will be thankful, even when I feel like being selfish
* I will be grateful, even when my need far outweighs what I have
* I will be thankful for all of the circumstances that enter my life, as I know they are part of the journey to help me become a better me
* I will be grateful for the little things..that we almost miss each and every day, or that we take for granted as we go about our days: the wind blowing the leaves, the smell of the beach fire pits from down the street at night, the feel of fall - as the crisp air begins to permeate through the day, the sun shining bright - welcoming us to enjoy the outdoors, the rain - watering the earth with "drip drop notes" - the birds chirping, the fact that I can get out of bed today and I have a job, I have a roof over my head, I have a comfortable bed to sleep in every night...
* I am so thankful for love - for God's amazing love - full of grace - and poured out for all. For Missy's love - so pure and raw, bringing healing and restoration to my very being. For the love of my children - always constant, strong and full - filling my tank when I'm running on empty.
* I am thankful for my family. My father - who is finally present to God and to me in a way I've never known. My mother - who as her health fails her, her heart which is SO full of love to give, continues to lavish it upon me and my family.
* I am thankful for my friends. My true friends - who know me, and love me in spite of all that they know. My friends who challenge me, and process life with me, and bring encouragement and hope to me in times when I need it most.
* I am thankful that my basic needs are met and I am able to provide for my family.
* I am thankful for life and I hope to remain present each day - giving back and allowing the amazing wonder and beauty of love to continue to change me, grow me, renew me, restore me, heal me and to fill my cup to runneth over.
So, I do not have a heart condition - but the condition of my heart is something I will focus on each day. I hope you will too.
An attitude of will have an effect on you and all of those around you. I promise!