the longing in her heart is piercing
it reminds her that she is 'not yet'
becoming is a process that requires waiting
she's being carved and chipped away
the constant grasping for air is tiring
if only the sun could shine upon her it's warmth
but each day brings a new beginning
and her desire is greater than her fear
peace is present, if only for moments
and love is slowly penetrating her soul
grace abounds in great measure
as she embraces her true self
as she embraces me
as she embraces free
becoming is a process that requires waiting
but joy cometh in the morning

Mommy, C and Little T on their 4th birthday!!! You are amazing, wonderful little people and I am so blessed that God gave you to me!! I love you both immensely and I promise to show you that love truly can conquer all...true, authentic, God inspired love.

Thank you for letting me be your mommy!

Beauty
Through you, I am in awe
You give unconditionally without requiring anything in return
Rawness
Through weakness and vulnerability
You allow the magnificent to rise up from the struggle
Spirit
Through surrender and humility
You allow the essence of God to be revealed
Heart
Through settling into your truth
You expose others to a higher standard
Joy
Through laughter and play
You remain grounded in the moment
Kindness
Through empathy and compassion
You SEE others and care deeply about their condition
Love
In you
All around you
Flowing through you

You are anything BUT the average girl!

you surprised me
i didn't expect you
i'm taken off guard
feeling a bit off kilter
but it feels amazing

you fascinate me
i'm captivated and intrigued
i'm sure it's a journey;
discovering you...
but one i hope to take

Well, it's been a long time since I have posted on my blog. I haven't been ready. I was not sure I would ever be ready. However, I am now ready to reclaim this blog as MINE. I started this blog to write, to process, to discover, to memorialize, to journal, to network, to connect and to create. I have taken a few months off due to major life changes. Transformation and change is a part of my every day existence. I am walking a journey that is painful & difficult, but promises to purify and renew.

I am single.
I am a single mom.
I am sharing custody of my children.
I have moved.
I have my own home; for me and my children.
I have amazing friends and family that have supported me and continue to do so.
I am loved by God and He is taking care of me.
I am going to be ok.
I am changing.
I am healing.
I am recovering.

I will reclaim this blog as my space - I must. I have made some changes to it, in order to make it feel like my space. I am a writer and I will continue to write.

The bible says there is a time for everything. I believe this to be true (as did Kevin Bacon in Footloose when it was "a time to dance!") I have entered a new journey. A time for mourning...a time to be changed....a time to reflect and consider all that God has provided...a time to choose life, in the midst of pain that feels an awful lot like death. There is a time for everything.

The bible also says that joy comes in the morning and each new day, God has new mercies for us...and He provides for us each day - give us THIS day, our daily bread (provision).

I am grateful for all that I have, but I have taken a lot for granted. I don't know why or how that happened, but I am realizing that at some point I stopped investing at a certain level, knowing that the other would always love me.

Well, there is a time for revelation and that time is now.

I receive the "aha" moments, as Oprah calls them and I will take a fearless inventory and I pray for the strength to take each step, one at a time until "times" change.

And hopefully my next journey will bring a time of rejoicing, of dancing (Yes, KEVIN BACON!) and of pure joy!

Until then, I will soldier on!

it rained today, cleansing the earth...and the cool breeze on my face felt heavenly as i walked thru the puddles, pondering the land's thirst; which is hardly ever quenched.............and as the tears began to flow, so the cleansing began within me...and as i gazed toward the beautiful sky, watching the birds soar overhead, i wondered...will the thirst in the deepest part of my soul ever be fully satisfied?

the land soaked up the rain, drinking it in as the parched cry for more continued, searching for the next drop...and the next...and the next. and as i closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, i felt you...in the deepest part of my being...and i was sweetly surprised that your presence had not been purged from my core self....and even tho you may not know it, you are the perfect mate to my soul's longing......the desire for more of you instantly envealoped my heart and turned into craving....and as the parched cry of my inner man still searches for the next drop....and the next...and the next....i will journey forward.

oh my sweet song, your love is my battle cry...
oh wounded warrior....may the healing within my wings enable us both to rise up out of the ashes...
lay down your sword and surrender this fight
and may we both find our soul's perfect peace